I just wanted a cake that said "your hair smells like lettuce", and I shouldn't have to explain why!

Ugh! That was like a germ syringe made out of lips.

And I'll call anyone Shirley when I want to.

Yeah, well, as you get older, it’s less manual labor and more electronics!

You had me at "Bag of dicks."

I don't want to pigeon my hole.

Running naked with a sword is just not a good idea.

I have no control over the length of your crotch destiny.

The Octopus of Apathy is spreading its testicles throughout the land.

So what I'm not clear on is how the penis and vagina work.

The Republicans are the Winklevoss twins of not getting Bin Laden.

It's such an awesome feeling to get a hard stick on the first try.

I can't wait to be called a foreskin denialist.

Be careful, man-eaters like tight spaces.

Never trust a fart.

Shake it like a Polaroid pizza.

All I can tell you is two bottoms do not make a top.