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You WILL get over here NOW and rub my card!

I get excited about velcro, but I'm not about to have babies with it.

I'm tired of looking at meat, knowing I'm not getting any.

You have a stump in your dinghy!

I like to look at non sexually active birds.

He’s going to have an orgy with all his little friends, aren’t you Captain Muffinpants?

You smell nice. And you have good juice.

He really needs to work on his anal penetration.

May contain fish sex residue.

Do you see why I will only commit to a reddish-brown stain?

Mommy, why is that man covered in penises?

I must just have testosterone Niagara falling out of my ears or something.

Too bad I can’t wear it due to my conspicuous nipples.

I want you to spread my daughter’s legs. They won’t go behind her ears.

So, what do you think two gay men are going to do with this many bananas?

This is urgent, it's about Arthropods.

My mind says no, but my ass says yes.

The alto is old and makes my hands smell weird.

Don't take this the wrong way, but you might be overestimating just how moist you make Lady Luck.

Hopefully I will have this book in my hands when I start dating a gerbil.

Bring me a bowl of coffee before I turn into a goat.

Bang it out now. Tart it up later.

Sir, how would you want your loin packaged?

I need the stripper to strip my Irish dog!

You should pray you never have to live in a world where you can not eat cheese without incurring the wrath of your own bowels.

I don’t want romance! I just want gay vampires!

We're here to make you think about death and be sad and stuff.

I do not know what or where your "yang" is.

Rectums. I need a rectum. do you sell them?

It's time I got in touch with my inner Farkas.

No, we have all the dead girls we need, thanks.

Be careful with your crevices, girls!

On the bright side, there are worse orifaces.

It's just so distracting when they blow out their holes.

Can I touch the beef?

I didn't read any further because your post made my uterus hurt.

I blame it on sleep deprivation. And lettuce.

You forgot my nuggets.

You pray over it, I will go to hell. I have to go to hell to fight the zebras!

I don’t know if David Bowie’s giant crotch is really safe for kids either.

I stuck my finger up there and it didn't move much 'cuz it was pretty tight.

Your bassoon smells nice.

Oh look honey, when you licked his balls you got stuff all over your face!

You can fool god with genetic engineering but not hair dye.

I might as well bring this idot's head, and not one of my personal ones.

So you'll be signing up for the upcoming Butlerian Jihad?

The index fingers of Justice are cold and lack personality.

Alright, I want this story so whored up that it’s getting fisted by 10 o’clock!

Better prep your hole, cause that page is about to get violated.

She's like menstruation incarnate.

Man! This is a gumless place!

I'm not harassing her, I have a woman.

Taste the lime jello of defeat!

Can you fertilize me next week?

I'm pretty sure the scrotum is involved somewhere.

When you've got a minute, I'm covered in grease.

I was not God and could not pull a locomotive from my ass. 

But he's open to artificial insemination or copious amounts of vodka.

I was not God and could not pull a locomotive from my ass.

My monk's lips must be in sync.

I was driving all day today. My groin is really tired.

He's trying to squash my esplanade.

He was going to come in screaming if the wood had been disturbed.

How is your crocodile staple remover holding up?

Let me go and take my thing and stick it in my thing to see if it will work.

How do used tampons attract thieves?

Do I smell like sausage?

Our intercourse was exceedingly civil.

Are you equipped to give somebody the bowel movement thing?

Fish sticks aren't an aphrodisiac. You're thinking of deer penis.

Never blame evil for something that can be blamed on stupidity.

Basically, neither of us have shins.

I know giraffe is kosher, but they just don't know where to cut it.

Feel my brain.

It's all sunflowers and assholes.

I don't care if it's big! I just don't want it shriveled up.

I'll just hold on to your meaty pole.

Fuck no, I don't want your freaky alien mothership oranges!

And you must always be extremely careful of your paddle movements.

It took me like three minutes to eat the whole 14 inches.

You do that again and I'll stick my finger in your chicken.

I would hug you, but I have various forms of viscous fluid on my clothing.

Who needs bloated turnips? Mine are unassuming. I have nice, humble turnips.

I can take it one of two ways, but I do need it badly today.

I don't need a vagina. I have a pony.

Okay, I'm going to wipe your device now!

Whoa, man! That could mean, like, a whole other level of thing, besides the pee.

Do you want Johnny to to massage that lollypop for you?

I will not suggest methods by which the newly-rescued virgin sacrifice can avoid the situation in the future.

His bone is covered with hair.

"Pimp my Death Star" is not a real show, and I'd better believe Grand Moff Tarkin knows this.

The paladin's alignment is not Lawful Anal.

What is so hard to understand about "the strawberry is broken?"

I have no vaginal memory.

I can't. I have a floppy bowel.

If there's one thing you can say about Isaac Newton, it's that he was made of meat.

I've had a lot of luck with severed heads.

Your vagina isn’t right. Something just isn’t right about it… It feels like maybe it’s too narrow—could we just widen the vagina out a little bit?

Badgers apparently can't spell "California."

I'm just setting a trap and hoping reality is naive enough to fall into it.

I finally figured out how pants work.

Now flip the elf and the fairy.

I need the rest of the donkey!

Make them in the shape of a buttock, get people used to them.

If we're going to have lunch, I'll need some underwear.

With friends like these, who needs mixed metaphors?

I need a pelvis. Who's got my pelvis?

I just wanted a cake that said "your hair smells like lettuce", and I shouldn't have to explain why!

Ugh! That was like a germ syringe made out of lips.

And I'll call anyone Shirley when I want to.

Yeah, well, as you get older, it’s less manual labor and more electronics!

You had me at "Bag of dicks."

I don't want to pigeon my hole.

Running naked with a sword is just not a good idea.

I have no control over the length of your crotch destiny.

The Octopus of Apathy is spreading its testicles throughout the land.

So what I'm not clear on is how the penis and vagina work.

The Republicans are the Winklevoss twins of not getting Bin Laden.

It's such an awesome feeling to get a hard stick on the first try.

I can't wait to be called a foreskin denialist.

Be careful, man-eaters like tight spaces.

Never trust a fart.

Shake it like a Polaroid pizza.

All I can tell you is two bottoms do not make a top.

Oh, my meat!

I don't think I would eat George Wendt's beans.

I really enjoyed it, but I really couldn't get to grips with my mole.

I don't know, just when you think the world couldn't get any worse, suddenly there's a basil crisis.

After all, sexy college students aren't going to eat themselves.

They were very keen on the "rubbing" part and explained that the friction helps immensely.

I've only got one till now. This one is from manhole greasing.

This one has a Rabid Lesbian Atheist of DOOM! How can you possibly skip it?

I can't be responsible for his gruntlement or lack thereof.

I have a soprano and alto staff up and I need them to "oooo" at me.

Well, let me just lick it, put it in my mouth and drool all over it.

I'm not putting your nuts in my mouth.

I can eat pal, you should have seen me go down on this poor boy the other night.

Can I speak to someone about the oral stove?

I'm hugging you with my balls.

Wiggle it and I'll tell you which one it is.

Wiggle it and I'll tell you which one it is.

Are we stretchin' the pork or what?

Seriously, I have like the best vagina of anyone I know. I have the Idina Menzel of vaginas.

Just pretend it's Russian and nail it.

Presumably that's what you mean by "Karma Bombers?"

For people our age it's just not New Year's until we see Dick.

I'm really into sausage.

I'm totally capable of giving birth to a live teddy bear.

Given you don't wear pants, I'm a bit concerned about what you'll be putting in the fax machine.

Wow, I feel almost as powerful as an exposed nipple now.

If you prefer your jokes easy, I handed you buttocks.

Adding breasts doesn't make it more plausible.

I love carbs! I would marry them if eating your spouse was legal!

Putting a logo there ruins the whole concept of the cheese wheel.

It's probably gone through a beaver by now.

You can’t even see her cervix in that picture anyway, so who cares?!

It smells like someone's asshole just fell out.

You're like a tornado of bullshit right now.

Gah,you just sprayed your thing and it got in my mouth.

My backdoor needs a special screw. I need a backdoor screw. I gotta have a backdoor screw.

Whoa, all the blood just like, rushed back into my ovaries!

Fuck! Shit! Tits! Oh, Fuck! I completely forgot! Bollocks!

All life is a blur of Republicans and meat.

Did I somehow spray myself with asshole attractant this morning?

I'm sure he's a nice kid, but he looks like a beaver.

Mine's minimized and I can't get it up!

Well, gimme a chicken head in a bowl and maybe I'll shut up.

I could make good use of a black queen right now.

Oh, well, so much for weed whacking.

All I could smell was grundle. It was absolutely frightening.

This is not your run-of-the-mill apocalypse.

Well, that has no bearing on her sphincter.

You have vampire in your cleavage.

You got a little stuck in Pancake World today.

Today we're going to be working with some big meat.

I'm the God Damn Librarian. Everyone one fucking loves me. LOVES ME.

You do not intend to prevent any potatoes, do you?

It wasn't my doctor - it was a lady with some prick tests.

It doesn't count as juggling unless there are at least two babies.

There's a lot of flesh in that head.

Today's theme seems to be strange meat.

Can't this hotel turn into hamsters?

How am I supposed to paraphrase "my dick is a white supremacist?"

She isn't commenting on it. It fell into her crack.

She isn't commenting on it. It fell into her crack.

Spoiler alert: there is no masturbation.

Is that innuendo, or do you actually like jerky?

I could have gone my whole life without seeing that bathroom.

Count Olaf is like, all up in my grill!

My water contains the memory of dinosaur poop.

Can't talk. Defecating.

It was mostly about fucking goats, but I also learned a lot about libel law.