Just to set the record straight, I'm not inclined towards, nor interested in, scratching the neighbors.

I don’t like cake nearly as much as I like boners.

Upon request, I can also poop rainbows.

Throughout the course of the day, I alternated between smelling like root beer and rabid oranges.

I think she has finally realized that I am the queen of winning dick-waving contests.

If nothing else...just so that I can toot my horn through your mouth!

No, what's confusing is I'm becoming Mormon and having a sex change.

So all I have to do is get some gel and spike my butt hair.

I wonder if I can have sex with a hedgehog.

It's really satisfying to squelch the life out of a potato.

I'm worried about you seeing Sgt. Pepper jerking off to Barney or something!

You might be a greater menace to the earth than lint!

I really hope I can suck something out of the horse later.

I wish we still had dinosaurs, it would totally solve the goose problem.

He likes my deltoids!

Hey! This lip gloss matches my nipples! And my phone.

Medicate me, daddy! Medicate me! Medicate me!

It's like I'm in a Greenpeace sponsored bukkake tree porn flick.

The inside of my mind is weird.

People squeezing my boobs makes me sneeze.

I love you! Stay Jewish!

How can you be pregnant?! You always wear shorts!

Everyone needs a yodeling pickle.