We have to eat our own children before someone else does.

That is not my ass!

It's all 'Breathe in, breathe out.' I hate that shit.

Not directly on it, stupid!

Excuse me while I quell the nuclear holocaust in the kitchen.

She's banana-whacked. She's a banana-whacked slut.

Drugs might make it easier to act like a complete idiot but they are not a requirement.

It's like when you walk into a bathroom with a corpse in the tub and go, 'Wow, just look at that tile pattern!'

There's dinosaur piss in everything!

All the men aren't going to be like, 'Oooh, Prada bag!'

You know, I don't want to include too much information, but my pants fit much better now.

My boner loves getting letters!

Bungee boobs are a serious problem in New Jersey.

Just this time, you're not allowed to suck your own dick.

That's the last time I catch a falling baby.

Well, I'll be dipped in dogshit!

Watching porn with your cat is kind of creepy.

The world is about to come to an end and I'm going to miss it because I have to poop.

The subway doesn't love you.

I've always wanted to go to bed with an orangutan, but I guess I never will.

That's why I don't like bananas, they're just too unpredictable.

I like to beat my meat when it's this thick.

Ed Blackwell is important in the scheme of things.

Penis! Penis, penis, penis! Big fucking erect penis, Mom!

I'm so excited, all six of my nipples are tingling!

Don't forget the buttocks!

All cod. No mystery.

Everywhere I go in your city there's, like, no eggnog.

The vagina? Oh, you mean the dog leash.

Why are you texting "nipple pasties?"

Some mornings, its just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

I guess Rush Limbaugh and I weren't tied up and spanked by midgets, either?

Mmmm, tax-free gravy.

My point is...it has nothing to do with dogs. My point is that poetry is sick! It's emotional, sentimental, garbanzo...

An erotic magazine and a jar full of pickles? No...not this time.

Testicles. I repeat, testicles. That is all.

I can't find my penis! Damn these high-tech enclosures!

If fleas have invented transporters, we're all in trouble.

I love my brainwashings....they keep the cobwebs out.

It is simply prudent to know the difference between a necrophiliac and an aphrodesiac. Hopefully you'll never need to thank me for that.

It is simply prudent to know the difference between a necrophiliac and an aphrodesiac. Hopefully you'll never need to thank me for that.

I hear European funerals are kind of interesting, and anyway I'd like to spit in Stockhausen's face.

It's just strangely configured bacon, that's all.

Some of the looks I get, you'd think I was wearing a mask made from a puppy I gutted with my bare hands.

Hold on, hold on, I'm grappling with the philosophical implications of this pickle!